The Grand Awakening

It’s probably no surprise to many of you, that I am a self-diagnosed over-the-top professional worrier.

I worry about everything. I worry about money, I worry about school, I worry about my car breaking down in the middle of the highway. I worry hour to hour of everyday about the “what if’s” and when I don’t worry, I worry that I’m forgetting to worry about something important.

This worry, I’ve discovered, is no way to lead a life of freedom and happiness. Worrying stunts my inner growth, clogs up my thoughts, and can even prevent me from getting things done.

I guess I’ve always known that worry is a constant in my life, but recently I’ve tried to change this well-built in, familiar way of thinking.

Today, like any other day, I want to acknowledge my worries and then (drumroll please…) LET THEM GO.

Emily Dickenson writes, “To live is so startling, it leaves little time for anything else.”

Life is too short to waste time thinking about “what if’s”. It’s so easy to fall into their downward spiral of depression and hopelessness.

The good news is, I’ve been making progress. Ever since I’ve acknowledged my worries and told them to F the F off, my life has been coming together like a puzzle, waiting to be put into place.

Different pieces of my life are fitting together and falling into place in ways that I worried, never would.

I quit a job that made me so unhappy and went out looking for something more. I packed up and moved to Duluth with little money and started going to school for writing.

Although I’m still not certain that writing is my future, I know that so far because of it  I’ve met amazing people that I’d never had met if I was still drinking my life away from working a stressful (repetitive) 9 to 5. My focus has changed from me trying to eliminate worry (by working that dumb job for the money, setting up IRA’s and ignoring my unhappiness) to a better subject…. ME.

It might sound a little selfish and narcissistic, and maybe that’s true, but one thing is for sure: happiness starts and ends with oneself.

Some (unknown) brilliant person once said, “There is an ‘I’ in happiness.”

Isn’t that great!? It’s all about ME! 

It’s not about your friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s definitely not about your parents or your boss. Everything is all about YOU. It’s about how you feel, what you want to do and the choices that you choose, that will lead you to a life full of the “good stuff” like joy, love, and internal happiness.

By letting go of my worry, I unknowingly opened up my life to the wide world of possible opportunities.

Since living here in Duluth, one puzzle piece after another continues to fall into place.

My little longboarding story, which I worried about far too long, is being published in the school newspaper (the editor even described it as ‘fantastic!’). I’ve started seeing an amazing man who acknowledges my craziness and somehow likes me anyway. I’ve started talking to people about life, and opened my eyes and ears to their stories.

Day by day, one small step at a time I’m learning to LIVE my life, instead of WORRY about my life.

If you find yourself worrying about the small things, I hope you too can take a similar path like mine, and end up here.

Where is here?

Here is complete and total happiness and contentment in the current moment. Here is being thankful for the little things that bless you in your daily life. It might be your children, your dog, the way your hair is falling into place, or the smell of apple scented dish soap as you clean-up after all of your roommates (wait, what? haha this never happens to me).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t make it ‘here’ everyday, but ‘here’ is available every minute I continue to breathe.

Anyway, following this long rant is my list of things I am thankful for today. Identifying what you are thankful for and writing it down – or even mentally making a list – has been an extremely helpful tool in letting go of my crazy over-the-top worry. So, without further ado, today I am thankful for:

This laptop that I write on

My less then perfect ceramic mug holding my morning drug… coffee.

The morning sun which is currently shining through my window

Kurt Vile for blessing my ears with sweet sweet sounds

Sarah Ban Breathnach, for writing Simple Abundance which is never far from my reach

God, for giving me life

My health, and all of my senses that allow me to hear the music and taste the coffee

Ian, for understanding it all, and waking me up at 6:30 a.m. which resulted in this long over due blog

And finally my shoe collection (some material things DO count for happiness, I don’t believe people who say they don’t) for today I will wear a summery pair of flats with ripped up jeans because I can!

Whooo hooooo! Go get ‘em tiger! I’m all pumped up, I feel like I’ve had one too many Mountain Dew’s and am gunna come at you like a spider money!!!! Bahahah, anyone know where that’s from? Ten extra ‘you rock’ points for the right answer. OK, but seriously I’mma bout to pay my very last months rent at this residence (one more month and I'll be in a new place and starting a new adventure!!!!), get the hair’s cut (only because I have a coupon haha), and get my butt to class! Ready GO!