Today's Schedule

Today I'm diving head first into a new opportunity. Last week after speaking with one of my Professors about the classes I'm planning for next semester he threw an opportunity in my lap.

He praised my recent video projects and my talent for 'writing for the ear' and my blatant creativity in everything I do. He let me know that a Duluth blog (Perfect Duluth Day) is looking for a UMD intern this next semester. My Professor said I'd be perfect.

When I responded tentatively to the idea by addressing my concerns about how, I'm not there yet as a writer, how I'm nervous about making that kind of commitment, how I don't want to let PDD down if I fail... he responded with a question.

"Why, Jamie, haven't you published any of your work?"

I didn't say this to him, but my answer is easy: The fear of failing. I don't want people to have expectations of a story I've been assigned to write, because, what if I can't pull it together? Or what if I make a mistake and publish it for the world to read? I'm nervous that I won't be able to tap into my creative side, and leave them with a disappointing project whether it be video or writing. Then there's deadlines, don't even get me started on those. Will I be able to write a story in an hour, or maybe two? That's what great journalist are able to do... 

Failure, you  see, is one of my biggest fears (after spiders, of course :). But as I logged in to check out my blog and read my last post from back in April, I realized one great thing: I've got nothing to lose.

I'm a student, I'm learning, and that is what interning is all about. It's about getting your foot in the door, testing out a life that may or may not fit well with you.

In addition to realizing that I can only go up, I've come to the understanding that I want PDD to be a good fit for me and my ideas and skills, just as much as they want an intern to be a good fit for PDD. Maybe that person can be me, but on the other hand if its not, then I've got plenty of other opportunities to explore.

Anyway, I meet with Paul (the Pres. of PDD) today at 3:30, just four hours away. I've got no clue what to expect, but I have a handful of ideas of things that I would like to do. Hopefully he'll like those ideas too.

I guess we'll see if I can snag this opportunity, or find out if its the opportunity that I'm searching for.

The Grand Awakening

It’s probably no surprise to many of you, that I am a self-diagnosed over-the-top professional worrier.

I worry about everything. I worry about money, I worry about school, I worry about my car breaking down in the middle of the highway. I worry hour to hour of everyday about the “what if’s” and when I don’t worry, I worry that I’m forgetting to worry about something important.

This worry, I’ve discovered, is no way to lead a life of freedom and happiness. Worrying stunts my inner growth, clogs up my thoughts, and can even prevent me from getting things done.

I guess I’ve always known that worry is a constant in my life, but recently I’ve tried to change this well-built in, familiar way of thinking.

Today, like any other day, I want to acknowledge my worries and then (drumroll please…) LET THEM GO.

Emily Dickenson writes, “To live is so startling, it leaves little time for anything else.”

Life is too short to waste time thinking about “what if’s”. It’s so easy to fall into their downward spiral of depression and hopelessness.

The good news is, I’ve been making progress. Ever since I’ve acknowledged my worries and told them to F the F off, my life has been coming together like a puzzle, waiting to be put into place.

Different pieces of my life are fitting together and falling into place in ways that I worried, never would.

I quit a job that made me so unhappy and went out looking for something more. I packed up and moved to Duluth with little money and started going to school for writing.

Although I’m still not certain that writing is my future, I know that so far because of it  I’ve met amazing people that I’d never had met if I was still drinking my life away from working a stressful (repetitive) 9 to 5. My focus has changed from me trying to eliminate worry (by working that dumb job for the money, setting up IRA’s and ignoring my unhappiness) to a better subject…. ME.

It might sound a little selfish and narcissistic, and maybe that’s true, but one thing is for sure: happiness starts and ends with oneself.

Some (unknown) brilliant person once said, “There is an ‘I’ in happiness.”

Isn’t that great!? It’s all about ME! 

It’s not about your friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s definitely not about your parents or your boss. Everything is all about YOU. It’s about how you feel, what you want to do and the choices that you choose, that will lead you to a life full of the “good stuff” like joy, love, and internal happiness.

By letting go of my worry, I unknowingly opened up my life to the wide world of possible opportunities.

Since living here in Duluth, one puzzle piece after another continues to fall into place.

My little longboarding story, which I worried about far too long, is being published in the school newspaper (the editor even described it as ‘fantastic!’). I’ve started seeing an amazing man who acknowledges my craziness and somehow likes me anyway. I’ve started talking to people about life, and opened my eyes and ears to their stories.

Day by day, one small step at a time I’m learning to LIVE my life, instead of WORRY about my life.

If you find yourself worrying about the small things, I hope you too can take a similar path like mine, and end up here.

Where is here?

Here is complete and total happiness and contentment in the current moment. Here is being thankful for the little things that bless you in your daily life. It might be your children, your dog, the way your hair is falling into place, or the smell of apple scented dish soap as you clean-up after all of your roommates (wait, what? haha this never happens to me).

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t make it ‘here’ everyday, but ‘here’ is available every minute I continue to breathe.

Anyway, following this long rant is my list of things I am thankful for today. Identifying what you are thankful for and writing it down – or even mentally making a list – has been an extremely helpful tool in letting go of my crazy over-the-top worry. So, without further ado, today I am thankful for:

This laptop that I write on

My less then perfect ceramic mug holding my morning drug… coffee.

The morning sun which is currently shining through my window

Kurt Vile for blessing my ears with sweet sweet sounds

Sarah Ban Breathnach, for writing Simple Abundance which is never far from my reach

God, for giving me life

My health, and all of my senses that allow me to hear the music and taste the coffee

Ian, for understanding it all, and waking me up at 6:30 a.m. which resulted in this long over due blog

And finally my shoe collection (some material things DO count for happiness, I don’t believe people who say they don’t) for today I will wear a summery pair of flats with ripped up jeans because I can!

Whooo hooooo! Go get ‘em tiger! I’m all pumped up, I feel like I’ve had one too many Mountain Dew’s and am gunna come at you like a spider money!!!! Bahahah, anyone know where that’s from? Ten extra ‘you rock’ points for the right answer. OK, but seriously I’mma bout to pay my very last months rent at this residence (one more month and I'll be in a new place and starting a new adventure!!!!), get the hair’s cut (only because I have a coupon haha), and get my butt to class! Ready GO!

New Year's Adventure with Chip & Russ (Edited for Blogging Purposes ;)

You know I had a good New Year when these are the only three pictures from the night....

Yes, that IS Mr. "Santa" Potato Head and YES he is helping me finish my whiskey sour.... Oh, what's that you ask? Is that a smoke? Why YES, yes of course Mr. "Santa" Potato Head smokes, don't judge, I don't think you've ever dealt with the pressure of loosing important parts of your face!

lol

Up next in my camera was this lovely piece of car 'snow' art....

All I can say about this is, "You know how I know I live in a college town?" Obviously, we were trying to solve an extremely pertinent math equation :)

So the last picture, I have debated posting.... But since this is MY blog, and really what harm can it do....

haha, This my friends is me nearing the end of our bar adventure at the Fitger Complex. To my knowledge, I was attempting to show off my "Avril" tie that I stole from the dude pictured on the right lol He obviously didn't make it in the shot (his loss lol) Buuut instead I appear to be showing off my "I'm incredibly drunk, and slightly retarded" look. Ahhhh, yes, it is a classic, I've been told I wear it well. :)

I really wish I would have gotten a few pictures of my partners in crime since they did drive up from the cities to take me with on their D-Town N.Y.E. (new year's eve for those of you who haven't caught on to my need to make EVERYTHING into acronyms), but alas, that's what I get for trying to drink and take pictures at the same time.... which is nothing.... lol SOOO here is my shout out - Dear Russ & Chip, no matter how much s*** ya'll gave me (my little girl confidence is still be reconciled) I am still ecstatic about you two coming up here and bringing me out to play!

Last but not least, I have this really bomb video... Please attempt to ignore the drunk talk about facebook & Black something or anothers and try to focus on the amazing guitar part. Also keep in mind that this is after one too many so just imagine what it could be when you catch Jimbo on the right day...... :) Thanks Jim Bobway for teaching me your tune, I can really rock it now!

All in all, my N.Y.E. with Chip & Russ was a success.... and that brings me up to date, sooooo who is coming up to visit next!!!!?!?!?